halfdarkened: (Unknown)
Dear Diary,

I had another dream about Maes last night. I still think I miss him. He had his arm around my shoulder, but like a father. Sorta disappointing. Sure, he had the brains and personality of a lobotomized gorilla, but he was a fine man. Oh, he looked very, very fine~~~

Speaking of fine, I wonder if Iron would ever be interested in a guy like me. She might not be a bad candidate if I could catch her eye... She’d probably call me a kid, though. But man, I’d like...

Well.

Anyway. That dream was the last one I had before waking up this morning. I set my alarm an hour earlier today, and it was a good idea. I’m often one of the first ones up, but there was something comforting about going to bed with the coming of darkness and getting up to see it’s still there. No light but the feeble little specks of stars out there. No one was there to bug me while I watched the sun come up. I love sunrises, they’re beautiful, like the start of a violent, explosive battle. Full of reds and yellows. There was an anvil-head storm cloud on the horizon that the sun caught just right. It looked just like a mushroom cloud. I’d like to see one of those, too, someday.

Well, from a safe distance. A very safe distance.

Okay, maybe not see one, but maybe cause one. On the other side of the planet. With me safe at home sipping some warm mocha.

Mocha sounds good, too, right now. Maybe with marshmallows. And a good book. I’ve been reading a book called, “Overcoming Fears: Let that Shining Armor Shine.” I’m trying to figure out how to deal with Sora. I have to hide the book from him, though, in case he goes through my stuff again. I’m so glad I made false bottoms to several of the drawers in the library. It’s useful to hide you, Diary.

I’m tired of having him boss me around all the time. I’m tired of the bruises and the yelling and scuffed clothing. He treats me like trash. His personal servant. I’m supposed to read his mind half the time. My best is never enough. He hurts my body. My pride. My feelings.

What I’d give to make him know that make him know that pain. Pain on every level. I want to get him back for every terrible thing he’s done to me, and then some. He needs to pay!

But I’m not strong. In any way. I’ve tried exercising, but I just can’t seem to put on muscle, and Sora has me running around so much I don’t really have time to, anyway. He’d beat me up in a second. I’m a mage, not a fighter! What I’d give to be able to use a good Ultima right now.

But they say revenge is a dish best served cold...

It's time to give Giggles her serum. She's the cutest glow-in-the-dark eel hamster you've ever seen. I should take a picture to put in you, Diary.

~♥❤♡~
Riku

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halfdarkened

February 2013

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